People don’t really talk about feelings because it’s seen as an indulgent activity. To talk about feelings is to take them out of the place they belong (the background) and make them a more visible part of the narrative. We prefer feelings to be felt but not acknowledged, except in very general happy/sad/angry terms.

Feelings are everywhere, we’re experiencing them all the time, and yet it’s annoying to actually talk about them. It’s like talking about your dreams. It’s too personal, and also too ego-centric at the same time.

Feelings are the payout of life. They are the reason we want to fall in love, or get a raise, or avoid getting in debt, or avoid having a relationship fall apart. They are the reward and punishment for everything. Yet they are also fleeting and difficult to pin down. You can’t make a feeling happen directly. You can set up a scenario that often leads to a feeling though… like having a drink, or traveling, or shopping.

Then there are activities that have a variety of potential emotional payoffs. Like moving to a new city, or entering into a relationship, or changing jobs.

What good is money if it doesn’t give you a feeling? Isn’t it the feeling of money that drives us to it? The feeling of pure potential, of style and luxury and adventure?

What good is stability or a family or a relationship unless it gives you a feeling? Isn’t it the feeling of security or community or love that drives us to these things? The feeling of being accepted, loved, respected?

What good is health if it doesn’t give us a feeling? Isn’t it the feeling of balance, strength, and clarity that drives us to be healthy?

What good is adventure? What good is power? What good is a beautiful hike? What good is a great book or a great movie or a great show? They are good when and if they generate a feeling. And not just a feeling but a good feeling, one that goes with the appropriate activity, the one that we were after.

And then the feeling goes away and, if we liked it, we continue looking for ways to bring it back. Hobbies, likes and dislikes, and all kinds of daily activities are structured around this pursuance of new or old feelings.